Drew and Jen go to London

Outdated

Drew — Sat, 27 Dec 2014 18:26:10 +0000

So it has been a LONG while since Jen and I really updated the blog. This isn’t really an update either. This post is me admitting that it has been so long since we updated the blog that the theme I designed SIX YEARS AGO is no longer working. So rather than fix it, I am just going to drop the theme and post this telling you what is up.

Hope you are well.

gypsy’s warning

Drew — Thu, 11 Oct 2012 09:51:54 +0000

A quiet word to an employee or aquaintance, suggesting that they’d best proceed with caution in respect of their current conduct or attitude, or they may be in for an unpleasant surprise. The details of which aren’t actually set out by the giver of the warning, who may or may not have control over their fate.
The guy was certainly out of line, there probably wasn’t sufficient grounds for disciplinary action, but he certainly got the gypsy’s warning.

Lifeline

Jen — Fri, 15 Jun 2012 20:45:01 +0000

Anyone with children knows that sanity can be a hard thing to come by. Anyone surviving on three hours of sleep and one cold container of spaghetti over any given three day no-shower brand new baby cry and poop fest understands that a new parent is a always a minute away from calling it in during those first ten weeks (and beyond). Anyone with baby puke in their hair needs a lifeline.

Meet my local teamâ€“

Photo courtesy of the Wigleys

These gorgeous women have answered my call at all hours of the day and night. They have made me tea, sandwiches, cake, and more cake… They have laughed at my texts and my inappropriate emails. They have comforted me in moments of irrational trains of thought. They have shared their hearts and gone into battle with me. They have lent me things, allowed me to lend them things, given sage advice, acted like I was wise sometimes too, gushed over Kenneth, invited us over, popped around, breastfed in public with me, talked about poo, taken longs walks, arranged for girly cocktail nights and just been otherwise fantactular.

They are the mums of these incredible babies.

Separately, we second guess our every move as we dance and or feed in the dark morning hoursâ€“but together we make one helluva competent parent. We are a force to be reckoned with when we take on the town. It’s not entirely unlike a scene from Charlie’s Angels. But with fistfuls of teething rings and coffee instead of guns. And buggies and baby carriers instead of fast cars or chase sequences. Perhaps with less make up. And the explosions are a little different. Ok. It’s nothing like a scene from Charlie’s Angels; never mind.

Charlie should be so lucky.

Jubilations

Jen — Tue, 05 Jun 2012 21:03:46 +0000

I am not sure what one says to the Queen on her Diamond Jubilee. Â ‘Congratulations!’? Â ‘Well done, Ma’am!’? Â ‘Jolly good jubilee!”? Â ‘Great weather, heh? Â Typical.’? Â Whatever it is polite to say, I’d like to thank her for the extra day Drew had off work.

We didn’t do much jubilee-ing, but we did attempt to see the flotilla on Sunday. Â Unfortunately, we didn’t get close to the river (I can’t imagine how early we would have had to get there to see the river). Â Elsa made sure that Kenneth was captured in his red, white, and blue.

photos courtesy Elsa Konig

We also attended a concert with a jubilee theme. Â Kenneth didn’t seem to notice the beautiful music, but it was nap time…. Â Speaking of sleep, Kenneth has begun sleeping in his own bed, in his own room. Â Mummy is exhausted, but it has been very worth it, I think, for us all to begin this process.

So, um…. Happy Diamond Jubilee ya’ll!

Pregnant in the UK – Part 5

Jen — Fri, 25 May 2012 22:35:28 +0000

A more personal version of this story will be told over the years–in snippets, through tears, in more intimate settings–probably over glasses of wine. This is this version my heart lets rise to the surface, above the precious and private moments, to the world. Â

This is the tip of the iceberg.

I often borrow Drewâ€s Superman sweatshirtâ€“so often, in fact, that it is now mine for all intents and purposes. I even have Superman panties. Those never belonged to Drew. The point is that I must secretly know that I am not as fearless or strong as I intend to be. My mind-over-matter wonder powers are amateurish at best. Superman sweatshirts and panties provide absolutely zero sleep, nourishment, or pain control during birth, but my inner dreamer thought it was worth a try.

I imagined through pregnancy that our birth story would be some beautiful, float-y, Earth-mother song like one of those poems in a Tolkien novel. I was sure that I was unshakeably strong and completely ready to gracefully embrace the most painful and demanding experience of my life in exchange for meeting the most brilliant creature on Earth. Looking back, I feel a bit like I was in a different fairy tale; I looked intoÂ The Magic Mirror GateÂ and stood face to face with a wimpy, haggard, old mama cow.

Sunday, 27 Nov 2011â€“After weeks of intermittent Braxton-Hicks contractions, and days of random true contractions, the true contractions became regular between 1am and 4am. Drew patiently timed them, rubbed my back, brought me water, and was just generally supportive. From 4am the contractions became irregular again and I went back to normal life for the big chunks of time between them. We went for Sunday roast at The Marksman with Andrea (middle sis) and Jonathan (cousin) and shoved our way down Columbia Road through the Flower Market.

Monday, 28 Nov 2011â€“The contractions came again as they had in the dark morning hours of Sunday, between 1 and 4am. I stayed close to home hoping that our baby would make an arrival. Baby H stayed snugly inside despite the preparations my body was making.

Tuesday, 29 Nov 2011â€“The contractions came again between 1 and 4am and I was anxious as we made our way to the hospital for the 41 +1 appointment at 9am, managing irregular but intense contractions. A consultant physician performed an external and an internal ultrasound. The physician judged me to be dilated to 1cm, declared the placenta to healthy, verified that Peanut’s heart rate indicated a happy Nut, and guessed that we would meet our baby within 24 hours. Then we met with a midwife for a manual check; she judged me to be 0.5cm dilated and performed a membrane sweep. We returned home to get on with getting through the latent phase of labour. We filled our bellies first and then Drew took a nap on the couch while I tried to nap through contractions in bed. From 2pm, contractions started to become more regular until 9pm–at which point I began to feel sharp pain with each contraction. The new sensation was more than I thought I should be feeling this early in the process so I told the midwife I was coming in to be checked, even if it meant getting sent back home. The midwife who saw me checked me in to the birth centre (where I wanted to have a water birth) at 3cm. Drew called Andrea to bring our luggage and some peanut butter sandwiches. I weathered some contractions in the shower, getting out to eat half of a sandwich at the midwife’s suggestion. Â Until 2am I paced, bounced on the yoga ball, crawled on the birthing mat and just plain got on with it.

Wednesday, 30 Nov 2011â€“At 2am (-ish) the midwife [#1] decided to send me to downstairs to the labour ward because I was still at 3cm. Â She didn’t think I was eligible for a water birth. Â (That mean old cow.) Â I had a lovely midwife [#2] on the labour ward as well as a sweet student midwife [#2b], another several hour stint in the shower, and some gas and air (laughing gas). Â (Gas and air was a joke. Â The shower was a happier place.) Â At 9amâ€“about an hour after shift changeâ€“my lovely new midwife [#3] said I was 5cm. Â She had a consultant physician come to apologise that I had been transferred to the labour ward and ask if I would like to be sent back upto the birth centre to a room with a birth pool. Â So we packed our bags again and relocatedâ€“this definitely meant I missed breakfast in the transfer excitement. Â Back in the birth centre, my new-new midwife [#4] said I was still at 3cm. Â (That mean old cow.) Â Unfortunately, that meant I had three to go before being allowed in the pool. Â Shower, pacing, shower, bouncing, crawling, walking, shower, crawling, order lunch, exam. Â 3cm. Â Shower, pacing, shower, bouncing, crawling, walking, shower, crawling, exam. 3cm. Â At approximately noon I allowed the midwife [#4] to break my water. Â Shower, pacing, shower, bouncing, crawling, walking… Â At 2.45pm the midwife [#4] recommended that I go back to the labour ward for a hormone drip because I was still dilated 3cm and the clock was ticking since the time of water being broken; I opted for a side of epidural in anticipation of more fierce contractions (with Drew’s gentle support and the reminder that I hadn’t eaten or slept properly for days). Â While we were packing againÂ someone showed up to clear the lunch tray that I never saw. Â (In the transfer back downstairs to the labour ward, I missed dinner too, but Elsa [my French BFF in London] did bring Drew dinner before we knew I would miss mine.) Â The epidural was in and the hormones were dripping by 7.45pm. Â Midwife #4 handed me back over to Midwife #2â€“who requested to have me again because I was such an awesome patient (bless that sweet woman!) . Â Midwife #2 had another student [#2c] of course because she is an amazing midwife… Â With all hope of a meal lost, I tried to rest in between the waves of contractions. Â (I think my favorite midwife allowed Drew to sneak me some tea and toast.)

Thursday, 01 Dec 2011â€“In the dark hours between 2am and 4am the Midwife [#2] was coaching the student [#2c] through an exam and tilted her head in a funny way, thinking and then having an ‘aha!’ moment. Â At 7cm she said that Baby Huddleston’s head was deflexed (tilted back). Â This, she guessed, was the reason for the pain I was describing as well as the slow progression. Â Our baby was intent to stare this world straight on. Â At breakfast time Midwife #2 (and student #2c) handed me me over to Midwife #5. Â I kept trying to rest, quietly begging for food at every opportunity. Â Somewhere near 12.30pm a (male) student nurse [#5b] joined the partyâ€“just in time for the big push. Â For an hour and a half the four of us pushed. Â Peanut happily hung out in the birth canalâ€“facing the world and spine rotated slightly to my left. Â And that’s when they broke the news that I would need assistance (most likely by way of forceps), though they were going to consent me for a c-section too. Â Either way, we were going to have to go to the operating theatre to introduce my lady parts to a room full of new faces. Â It is terrible that the operating theatre was tied up for two hours for an emergency case, but I was thankful for those two hours in the end. Â By the time we were rolled in and Midwife #5 handed me over to Midwife #6, Peanut rotated into the correct position (spine up) so that the team felt sure that forceps would do the trick to tilt his head into position on the way out if I could manage the pushing. Â Drew, Midwife #6, student nurse #5b, an anesthetist, an OB-GYN/Urologist [#7], two students [#7b, #7c], a consultant physician, a pediatrician, and a surgery tech [#8] were with me in those three last incredible contractions. Â But everything faded away at 4.04pm when a baby was laid on my stomachâ€“wet and crying. Â In a few quick motions Peanut was rotated until I could see that he was a boy. Â He was exactly the boy I had been talking to for so many months and the boy whose name we deliberated over and who spiritedly kicked us in the wee hours. Â He was the boy I dreamed about and the boy that I was eager for his daddy to meet. Â He was the baby that I was aching to see with all of his fingers and toes, completely healthy and whole. Â In the moment that he was born, my whole world changed.

In Summaryâ€“

This is the birth pool that I did not use:

This is why it does not matter:

Kenneth Howard Ross Huddleston makes three.

Birthdate: 01 Dec 2o11

Birth time: 16.04

Weight: 3.69kg/8lbs 2 oz

Length: 54cm/21.25 inches

Gestation: 41 weeks, 3 days

Active Labour: ~43hours

Delivery: vaginal, forceps assisted (with 2/3 of London present)

Birthday twin: Magnolia Grace Montgomery; Nashville, TN

*[These people in brackets are the lucky ones who got to know me on a pretty intimate basis.]

Post-birth details to follow for those interested in the medical care follow up type stuff. Â Please note that Drew may offer his version of events if I get enough of the details wrong or if he is politely begged. Â Click here for Parts 1-4.

Pregnant in the UK – Part 4

Jen — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 13:09:50 +0000

We were crazy enough to get pregnant in the UK.

Well, I say we were crazy, but we were blessed, too. I’ve told you about the routine antenatal care we received; it’s overdue that I explain what care is available for birth.

As standard, NHS midwives lead 8 hour courses (usually broken into 4 classes over 4 weeks, covering birth and baby’s first month) to educate parents on the facts and their options. You might be surprised to learn the options. There is also a non-profit organisation called National Childbirth Trust which offers a range of services, including classes, for a fee.

For those who want very little medical intervention, and for whom there are no contraindications, a home birth can be arranged (by week 37) with the community midwives in most areas. The midwives will bring supplies like a baby heart monitor and oxygen tank to your home at 37 weeks so that you are ready when the moment comes. Two midwives attend the birth, but they are in your home so you have quite a bit of control over the big event at the same time that you have personal medical attention (which doesn’t change for the duration of the birth as contrasted with hospital births) and someone to advise should anything out of the ordinary occur.

For slightly more access to medical intervention, in situations where there have been no complications in pregnancy, most hospitals have a step down unit or birth centre near by or on site. These facilities are set up for natural births, some having birthing pools. Each room is equipped with birth aids like a walk in shower, railings, cot, yoga ball, and birthing stool. Laughing gas, diamorphine, and pethedine (rarely used) are available. Midwives lead these units, but their attention is split between patients as mums get on with labour. Mums ready to push get priority of course! Midwives in these facilities work in shifts, but they usually have a small number of patients, maybe two or three. After birth, mum and baby are transferred to the maternity ward if staying overnight; the stay after birth is usually between 6 hours and three days.

Hospital labour wards offer access to the full range of medical staff and equipment. On the labour ward mums can opt for natural birth, laughing gas, oral pain meds, induction hormones, and epidural. Equipment assisted birth and Caesarian are available if required and can be requested if physician/mum can justify their use in a non-emergency situation. Primary care through labour is still provided by a midwife, but physicians are available when required to administer medications or perform procedures outside the remit of the midwife. In addition to any amenities in the room to aid natural childbirth, equipment is available to revive, warm, and measure a baby. Operating theatres and a neonatal intensive care unit are nearby. After birth mum and baby are transferred to the maternity ward; the stay after birth is usually between 6 hours and three days. Dads can’t stay overnight in the hospital unless the use of an amenity room is purchased.

No matter where birth occurs midwives are meant to see you through birth, assist with breastfeeding, and ensure that you are ready to be on your own with your new baby. After birth a midwife will visit you at homeâ€“if you were in the hospital they visit you on your first and fifth day at home. Then, a health visitor will check on you around day ten. Mainly these visits are aimed at ensuring the baby is feeding properly (weight being checked at the second midwife home visit) and that you are comfortable caring for them. You can also ask the midwife to check your incision/stitches/etc. Until babies return to their birthweight they are checked weekly by community midwives in a nearby clinic; once that milestone is reached, babies are discharged from midwife care to the care of the health visitors who run weekly well baby clinics at your GP’s office. Health visitors can weigh your baby and answer routine questions any time you drop in to the well baby clinic.

The GP will see the baby at 6-8 weeks for routine checks, after which the GP sees you as needed. A nurse administers immunizations as required.

It seemed confusing at firstâ€“I admit that I still ask for clarification about who to see when and in what order quite a lot… We are so fortunate to live in the borough of Islington where the free services on offer are extensive. The local tax I pay is certainly coming back to me.

Coming next: our birth story. Stay tuned. I am typing with one thumb.

Pregnant in the UK – Part 3

Jen — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 09:52:20 +0000

Here we are. Pregnant in the UK.

Photo courtesy Elsa Konig

I had a fair bit of anxiety taking the second pregnancy test and went through the motions of seeing my GP again. It was a blessing to be incredibly busy in a new position at work while we waited for the first early scan. However, we were lucky enough because of our history to have three early scans scheduled for us although they are not usually offered before the 12 week scan. When all was confirmed to be progressing normally, we were given a ‘booking appointment’ with a midwife from the hospital for 8 weeks. At a booking appointment you fill in your medical notes; these you carry with you everywhere you go because you see healthcare professionals at multiple locations. You definitely carry your notes with you when you travel so that you can always just hand your antenatal record to a medical professional in any situation where you need to see one. All of this documentation is archived by the hospital after delivery.

At your booking appointment the midwife performs a set of routine checks and conducts a lengthy interview. Then she (or he) answers any questions you may have and walks you through what the rest of your appointments will entail, given that your pregnancy is straightforward, and how they are scheduled.

8-14 weeksâ€“ booking in (and dating scan if required, to determine the due date)
12 weeksâ€“Down syndrome screening scan
16 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
20-22 weeksâ€“scan to assess baby’s growth and mum’s health (placenta, cervix, etc.)
25 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
28 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
31 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
34 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
36 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
38 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
40 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit
41 weeksâ€“routine midwife visit

Routine visits include blood pressure and urine checks as well fetal heart monitoring and a manual check of the position of the baby. At each visit there are unique items to discuss and sometimes blood tests which are recommended to be performed. If there is a complication at any time, you are referred to a specialist. For example, when I complained of a serious spike in migraine activity, I was referred to an obstetrician and a neurologist as well as a midwife acupuncturist. I was lucky that the migraines subsided naturally after 20 weeks and I have only had a small handful of related symptoms since then.

Ultimately the philosophy seems to be that pregnancy is a normal, natural occurrence and requires minimal medical intervention in straightforward situations. I have heard the argument that the approach that the NHS takes is centered around being cheaper, not better for me. Having been a recipient of care in this model I can understand where this argument gets its basis, but I can argue from personal experience that routes of escalation are in place and physicians are available when a midwife reaches her (or his) limit of responsibility. I have also witnessed the expertise of the midwives; it should be pointed out that they attend far more births than physicians. Ask any nurse, the people who provide care day in day out catch things, see things, and usually engage in a more personal way with the patient. An obstetrician is essentially a surgeon (many train in gynecology, especially in the US where midwifery is not standard in the care model, in order to be able to provide more well rounded care to women). Due to the way medical professionals specialise in the UK, there isn’t a need to involve an obstetrician in routine antenatal care.

I am not interested in opening a debate or changing anyone’s mind about whether the system in the UK is better or worse than the care I would have received in the US, but I do want to share what I am learning as well praise the caregivers who have been looking after us. I would like to give our loved ones comfort that we have in fact been looked after though rumor may have had it we were left to the wolves. For my own way of thinking, I am thrilled to have been given the opportunity to experience care from this side of the antenatal philosophy. My GP had a point back in those early days; in some cases, the US care model introduces treatments and interventions that are more costly (some potentially introducing unnecessary risks) due to the way the system operates. Surely there is some middle ground where we could all meet…

Coming nextâ€“Birth: preparation, the big push, and the baby’s first month
Followed byâ€“our own personal birth story

Disclaimer: I am given to understand that there are some differences in the care offered by different hospitals based on the needs of the region they serve and due to way that services are managed by trusts in that region.

What’s That?!

Jen — Tue, 22 Nov 2011 16:28:24 +0000

Thanks to Graham, Emily, and Kerry for Peanut’s new toys!

I can’t wait to see how Peanut reacts to theseâ€“they are brilliant stimulation for the senses! Â This book, of course, is completely perfect eye-catching contrast.

So is the peacock(?), but the peacock also reflects, crinkles, rattles and has lots of different pieces to grab… We consider that Graham is probably an expert on what babies really like; this must be the cool thing to do this season! Thank goodness we have the inside scoop from someone in the know.

Sending love to the Mitchell family for this fun gift!

Pregnant in the UK – Part 2

Jen — Fri, 18 Nov 2011 19:54:31 +0000

First things first… I got â€˜booked inâ€.

Booked Inâ€“Registration with a particular facility, declaring your intent to present for treatment under the care of the staff of that facility. In this case, my GP booked me in at University College Hospital for antenatal care and for the birth.

Being booked in means that my first point of contact for antenatal care is a team of midwives based at the hospital of my choosing. As needed, a full medical staff is available to me as well.

Midwifeâ€“A medical professional with an academic and professional qualification to provide antenatal care, including birth and newborn baby care. Typically, full time courses take 3 years to complete and are comprised of 50% course work and 50% practical based experience. The NHS only employs midwives who hold a midwifery degree and who are registered with the Nursing and Midwifery Council. (My midwife team holds a weekly clinic in my GPâ€s office for my convenience; thatâ€s where I have my regular check-ups.)

Though the midwives perform the routine checks, ultrasound scans and treatment of complications require hospital visits and are handled by doctors and/or specialists. A full range of medical services is available for any non-routine situation and your case is triaged.

It was a little strange (ok, maybe a lot strange) to be booked in to a hospital and assigned to a team of midwives without really understanding what to expect of those two things. It was more shocking to need emergency care before I had wrapped my head around routine care. We donâ€t like to dwell on the loss we experienced in January but you have to know, to get the full picture, that we were handled quickly and carefully. Not every staff member we met was incredibly pleasant, I didnâ€t mistake the hospital for a five star hotel, and I did need to be clear about what I was experiencing and what I wanted.

I canâ€t tell you how many times I was seen by the emergency staff in the antenatal unit, though there was one Ambulatory and Emergency visit (A&E, like the US ER). The point is that the care I needed was given to me. I didnâ€t pay a single co-pay or fee and received medication completely free (not all medications are free all the time). For more routine type follow up appointments my GP fit me in on short notice; if my GP was not available another GP at my practice was. (It should be noted also that my employer treated me with the utmost kindness when I needed medical leave.)

I didnâ€t have time or energy in January to assess whether the care I received was what I expectedâ€“it was all so much… We were offered free counseling. We were assured early antenatal scans in the event of another pregnancy. I was seen as a priority at my GPâ€s office. My initial confusion and discomfort with the workings of the NHS system took a backseat to finding a groove of honest and open communication and then participating in my care. This was a very powerful thing. Perhaps thatâ€s when the change in my perspective began…

Photo courtesy Elsa Konig

www.drewandjengotolondon.com

Pregnant in the UK – Part 1

Jen — Wed, 16 Nov 2011 20:39:16 +0000

Little by little, it has become apparent to me that the care models employed in the UK healthcare system for pregnancy and birth are different than those utilised within the US [private] healthcare systemâ€”the differences in the care models seems stark, speaking as someone on the receiving end. Â Drew and I, of course, have only directly experienced pregnancy [antenatal] care in the UK. Â Up to the point where I myself became a pregnant patient, what we had come to expect from a healthcare system in terms of antenatal care was based entirely the collective knowledge we had absorbed of the US culture in which we had been inactively immersed as observers for so many years.

Photo courtesy Elsa Konig

Turning up to my GP (General Practitioner, a.k.a. Family Practice Physician) pregnant was a strange experience. I fully expected her to confirm what I thought I knew with a blood test but it puzzled her that I would even think to suggest it. â€œDo you think you did it wrong?â€ she asked about the urine stream test. After I calmly explained that I was only asking because of my familiarity with the routine in the US she replied, â€œI get the impression that they are more interested in collecting your money than confirming what a urine test has already told you.â€

I sat stunned through the rest of the visit, trying not to be so blatantly American (a.k.a. ignorant and annoying to GPs). She handed me a purple book and told me to make a decision about where I would like to be â€˜booked inâ€â€“I hoped that the purple book would tell me what â€˜booked inâ€ meant. She asked me if I wanted to â€˜go privateâ€ or â€˜go NHSâ€. When I explained that I didnâ€t think my private insurance covered antenatal care, she suggested that I check and make a decision about that, tooâ€“but she did praise the NHS care at UCH (University College Hospital) local to me explaining how commonly her patients delivered there. In all truthfulness, I had never considered whether or not to â€˜go NHSâ€˜… (In all truthfulness, getting pregnant in the UK was less of a calculated plan than a weakening in the knees at the sound of the sweetest man on Earth saying the sweetest things I had possibly ever heard.) I guess she assumed that Mrs-I-am-American-where-is-my-blood-test-damnit?! would want private healthcare, hence her pro-NHS cheerleading.

She calculated my due date, she gave me a flu shot, and she said that when I made a decision to give the office a call so that my midwife appointments could start at 16 weeks. I think she wished me luck before she shuffled me out.

I remember feeling incredibly alone. I remember being angry. I remember wondering how I could have been stupid enough to have agreed to live out such a serious life event in this backwards place. But those feelings are a complete 180 degrees from my perspective these days… I am grateful for the care I have received to this point and I look forward to our birth experienceâ€“I was hardly aware of what happened to bring me into this light. If you are curious to know what changed my mind, I am eager to share my introspection with you. Keep tuning in.